Pardon Me?

 I have written in previous posts about the effect CBD has on my voice.  I wrote of how my speech pathologist at Mayo Clinic diagnosed me with mild to moderate dysarthria.  Since the “D” in CBD stands for degeneration, my voice has gotten worse  and will continue to do so.

As I understand it this involves three issues.  First, I no longer have complete control of all the small muscles which make speech possible.  Second, some of the muscles have lost strength and this is asymmetrical; that is, a muscle group might be weak on one side and not on the other.  Third, all of this has affected my breath control. When you combine these three factors the result can be a raspy, slurred, slow, and weak-sounding voice that tends to trail off at the ends of sentences.  Now, if I “warm up” my voice and take care in articulating my words I certainly can be understood, even still preach, but it takes my effort and my listeners’ patience.  The problem is that in casual conversation I usually have not warmed up and conversation has a certain pace that almost always has to slow for me to participate.

Now, why bring all this up?  Not for the sympathy of my friends, rather to give them an understanding of what is going on.  I enjoy being with people--I always have.  My vocal difficulties have made me more of a listener than a talker, and that is OK by me.  When someone does engage me in conversation, it is difficult to just jump in.  The typical result is either miscommunication or my having to repeat myself.   A related aspect is that the speech problems make it much more difficult to convey emotion with my voice.  Think for a moment how much of a joke or a witticism depends on how the remark is delivered.  I never realized how much was being communicated by inflection, until I lost it.

A final issue related to this is a matter of perception.  When people hear someone talk the way I often do, they might conclude there is some mental deficit.  To the best of my understanding, and the testing of my neurologist, I haven’t lost any of my reasoning power yet.  I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but neither have I gotten any duller.