"Don't Go Breakin' My Heart"

In the interest of full disclosure I must say that the title for this entry is stolen from one of my all time favorite TV shows, Frazier.  I suppose it would only be the most addicted fan of that series who would know the episode I am referring to, but it is the one where Niels is recovering from open heart surgery.  Now Frazier is a comedy, but this episode is decidedly not funny.  Essentially it deals with Niels' fear of his own death.  Having open heart surgery will do that to you, it happened to me in 2005 and one of the things I still vividly remember was realizing my own mortality.

Now, I am a reasonably intelligent guy.  I knew before I had the surgery that all of us are mortal and we, and that includes me, will one day face death.  When my cardiologist told me I would be having heart by-pass my first thought was, "suppose everything goes wrong and I die?  What will that do to my wife?"  I began to think of how poor a provider I had been and while the church would certainly be gracious about it, she would probably be moving out of the parsonage within 60 days of my death. At the very time she would need stability, not just her husband but her home would be taken from her.

Well, I didn't die.  Thank the good Lord, He brought me through the whole process with a minimum of pain and a new appreciation for friends and family.  I think my understanding of people facing major surgery deepened and I was granted something of a new lease on life. So, why revisit all of this now?  About two months ago I was playing golf with a friend when I suffered a "mild heart attack."  This meant a trip to the local emergency room and then an ambulance ride to Nashville.  I had a heart catherization and was told that one of my by-passes had completely shut down and another was 80% closed.  A stint was successfully implanted, and currently I am doing well physically.  I have had a couple of doctor visits since my hospital stay and it is why I am writing this today.  It seems that I am part of minority of folks whose veins and arteries continue to close down regardless of how low my cholesterol level is.  Now this is not a death sentence, but it is saying that short of some medical break through, I will continue to have heart issues.  It is enough to make you want to buy stock in the companies that manufactures stints.

I suppose the upshot of all this has been to make me resolved to live fully and well today and to do what I can to have as many "todays" as possible.  I want to serve God faithfully, love my family passionately, and be a friend to as many as possible.  In 2005 my heart might have physically been in the hand of my surgeon, but in a more real sense it was in the hand of my God.  It still is.