In the interest of full disclosure I must say that the title for this entry is stolen from one of my all time favorite TV shows, Frazier. I suppose it would only be the most addicted fan of that series who would know the episode I am referring to, but it is the one where Niels is recovering from open heart surgery. Now Frazier is a comedy, but this episode is decidedly not funny. Essentially it deals with Niels' fear of his own death. Having open heart surgery will do that to you, it happened to me in 2005 and one of the things I still vividly remember was realizing my own mortality.
Now, I am a reasonably intelligent guy. I knew before I had the surgery that all of us are mortal and we, and that includes me, will one day face death. When my cardiologist told me I would be having heart by-pass my first thought was, "suppose everything goes wrong and I die? What will that do to my wife?" I began to think of how poor a provider I had been and while the church would certainly be gracious about it, she would probably be moving out of the parsonage within 60 days of my death. At the very time she would need stability, not just her husband but her home would be taken from her.
Well, I didn't die. Thank the good Lord, He brought me through the whole process with a minimum of pain and a new appreciation for friends and family. I think my understanding of people facing major surgery deepened and I was granted something of a new lease on life. So, why revisit all of this now? About two months ago I was playing golf with a friend when I suffered a "mild heart attack." This meant a trip to the local emergency room and then an ambulance ride to Nashville. I had a heart catherization and was told that one of my by-passes had completely shut down and another was 80% closed. A stint was successfully implanted, and currently I am doing well physically. I have had a couple of doctor visits since my hospital stay and it is why I am writing this today. It seems that I am part of minority of folks whose veins and arteries continue to close down regardless of how low my cholesterol level is. Now this is not a death sentence, but it is saying that short of some medical break through, I will continue to have heart issues. It is enough to make you want to buy stock in the companies that manufactures stints.
I suppose the upshot of all this has been to make me resolved to live fully and well today and to do what I can to have as many "todays" as possible. I want to serve God faithfully, love my family passionately, and be a friend to as many as possible. In 2005 my heart might have physically been in the hand of my surgeon, but in a more real sense it was in the hand of my God. It still is.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Saturday, May 3, 2014
The Sound Track
This past week I downloaded the sound track from the movie Gladiator. Some of you might be thinking, "didn't that movie come out in 2000?" Yes it did, I have the DVD of it as well, and I like it so much it became one of only three movies that I carry around on my iPad and my iPhone.
For those of you unfamiliar with the story, or with only a foggy recollections of it, let me give you the synopsis. A Roman general refuses to give his allegiance to the new Emperor and is promptly scheduled for execution. He fights his way out of this only to find himself a slave, sold into the cruel world of the arena where it is kill or be killed. If that were not enough drama, he ends up fighting in Rome before the very Emperor who had ordered his death and had successfully killed the former general's wife and son. The best line of the movie is when the general turned Gladiator has won a lopsided contest in the arena and the Emperor wants to meet him. Up to that point the Emperor has no idea it is his former general, due to the protective helmet he has worn through the contest. When asked for his name, he says it is simply "Gladiator" and turns to leave. This is an insult to the Emperor who orders him to remove his helmet and give his name. "My name is Maximus Decidus Meridius, commander of the armies of the north, general of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next." The question for the remainder of the movie is, will the Emperor succeed in killing the former general, or will the general, against seemingly impossible odds, have his vengeance?
Ok, so what possible relevance can a popular movie from more than a decade ago have to the life of a pastor today? Now, please don't assume that I have a blood lust for vengeance, like Maximus, or that I am a power mad egotist, like the Emperor. No, I just see this as one of the best presentations of an under dog succeeding I have ever encountered. I identify with the under dog. No, I don't have an Emperor who is scheming of ways to kill me, but I do have seemingly relentless problems that I have to fight with. I am not in an arena surrounded by cheering fans who are indifferent to my fate, but I have had the experience of pouring everything into a sermon only to have it greeted with a yawn. I have a good friend in the ministry who insists that "pastoring is a young man's calling, you just can't stand up to the emotional drain of it as you get older." He may be right, but I sure hope not, and that brings me back to the movie Gladiator.
It is when I don't think there is a way to win that I watch, think about, or listen to the sound track of Gladiator. You see the Gladiator was not really alone in his struggle. He had the friendship of his fellow gladiators as well as help in high places, from his owner to a member of the Senate, to the Emperor's sister. While it is not a major theme in this picture, the Gladiator is also a man of faith. He is shown praying more than once. As a pastor I may be an under dog, but I have friends, friends who are in the arena with me, who live where I live. Most importantly, I have a personal relationship with God, and believe me, I pray.
When the Gladiator lies dead in the sand of the arena, the Emperor's sister asks, "Is Rome worth one good man's life?" Perhaps so, perhaps not, but even if my struggle ends with me dead in the arena I already know the answer to the question, "Is the calling of God worth one good man's life?" Yes it has been, yes it is, and yes it always will be.
For those of you unfamiliar with the story, or with only a foggy recollections of it, let me give you the synopsis. A Roman general refuses to give his allegiance to the new Emperor and is promptly scheduled for execution. He fights his way out of this only to find himself a slave, sold into the cruel world of the arena where it is kill or be killed. If that were not enough drama, he ends up fighting in Rome before the very Emperor who had ordered his death and had successfully killed the former general's wife and son. The best line of the movie is when the general turned Gladiator has won a lopsided contest in the arena and the Emperor wants to meet him. Up to that point the Emperor has no idea it is his former general, due to the protective helmet he has worn through the contest. When asked for his name, he says it is simply "Gladiator" and turns to leave. This is an insult to the Emperor who orders him to remove his helmet and give his name. "My name is Maximus Decidus Meridius, commander of the armies of the north, general of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next." The question for the remainder of the movie is, will the Emperor succeed in killing the former general, or will the general, against seemingly impossible odds, have his vengeance?
Ok, so what possible relevance can a popular movie from more than a decade ago have to the life of a pastor today? Now, please don't assume that I have a blood lust for vengeance, like Maximus, or that I am a power mad egotist, like the Emperor. No, I just see this as one of the best presentations of an under dog succeeding I have ever encountered. I identify with the under dog. No, I don't have an Emperor who is scheming of ways to kill me, but I do have seemingly relentless problems that I have to fight with. I am not in an arena surrounded by cheering fans who are indifferent to my fate, but I have had the experience of pouring everything into a sermon only to have it greeted with a yawn. I have a good friend in the ministry who insists that "pastoring is a young man's calling, you just can't stand up to the emotional drain of it as you get older." He may be right, but I sure hope not, and that brings me back to the movie Gladiator.
It is when I don't think there is a way to win that I watch, think about, or listen to the sound track of Gladiator. You see the Gladiator was not really alone in his struggle. He had the friendship of his fellow gladiators as well as help in high places, from his owner to a member of the Senate, to the Emperor's sister. While it is not a major theme in this picture, the Gladiator is also a man of faith. He is shown praying more than once. As a pastor I may be an under dog, but I have friends, friends who are in the arena with me, who live where I live. Most importantly, I have a personal relationship with God, and believe me, I pray.
When the Gladiator lies dead in the sand of the arena, the Emperor's sister asks, "Is Rome worth one good man's life?" Perhaps so, perhaps not, but even if my struggle ends with me dead in the arena I already know the answer to the question, "Is the calling of God worth one good man's life?" Yes it has been, yes it is, and yes it always will be.
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