For almost two months I have been going to Step
Fitness where there are a number of programs for folks with various physical
challenges. Mine is called Rock Steady Boxing where we use many of
the exercises designed for boxers to increase agility, flexibility, balance,
and to decrease tremors. It is for
people with Parkinson’s disease, and since I have what is called a Parkinson’s
Plus illness, there is hope it will slow the progress of my symptoms.
I have to say that I do think it has helped me in
three ways. First, I have surprised
myself by working through some of my stiffness.
I have gone in on some days with short, almost jerky, steps and left
with a near normal gait. I wish I could
say I stayed that way the rest of the day, but sitting for perhaps 30 minutes
will bring back most of the rigidity in my leg muscles. There have been times that just the drive
home will do that, but I still have to think it is a net gain. Second, I have to admit that punching the
heavy bag is a great way to relieve stress!
It is downright frustrating to me when I think about all of the things I
can no longer do, and I get angry at the prospect of losing even more. A series of hard right crosses allows me to
vent that anger. Third, I have enjoyed
being around the rest of the class and the trainers. My group is usually eight folks who are at
various stages of physical decline. I am
not the worst off in the class, but I am
the only one to fall in the weeks I have been attending. Each session we have either three or four
trainers working with the group, and ever since my fall I have been shadowed by
at least one of these trainers. It is
good to be with people who understand what I am going through. Many of my friends are concerned about my
situation, but these folks at Rock Steady can empathize.
As I mentioned earlier, there are other groups
using the same facility. I am not sure
of the name of the group that comes in just as I am typically leaving, but they
apparently have more physical challenges than I am currently facing. There is one man who seems to always have the
same tee shirt on. It features an upside
down Nike swoosh and two words in bold print, “Just Can’t.” This play on Nike’s catch phrase may strike
you as cynical, at least it did me the first time I saw it, but on reflection
it seems less so. Someone has said that
life is a series of compromises, and a serious neurological disease accelerates
those compromises. For example, even the
most avid golfers will play less and less if they live long enough and will
typically stop altogether once their stamina is compromised by age. I just got there a lot earlier than I wanted
to. I have encountered a number of
things which I just can’t do anymore.
Things like riding my spin bike (lack of balance), walking long
distances or negotiating bleachers (lack of leg strength and pain), even
singing the congregational hymns at church (inability to “clear my throat” and
weakened throat and mouth muscles).
Believe me when I say this list is suggestive not exhaustive! Which brings me back to my tee-shirt-clad
friend. I prefer to think that “Just
Can’t” isn’t a statement of resignation but of realism. My reality has been restricted by
Corticobasal Degeneration. To think
otherwise would be a self-destructive delusion at best and a one way street to
depression and despair at worst. No, I
want to be realistic about what I can’t do, but I also want to always be pushing
right to the limits my malfunctioning brain will permit.
Just can’t?
Sure, there is a growing list of things I can’t do, but why not work to
maintain what I can rather than bemoan what I can’t? This is not the intended challenge of Nike’s
phrase, “Just Do It.” I think it is far more than what the people at Nike had in
mind.
