Unending

Whenever I think of an unending task I think of the pile of articles I have waiting to be read and filed. When I was in Seminary I took a Christian Education class where we talked about filing systems. I promptly adopted the one that made the most sense to me and happily began filing things away. That system involved using hanging folders and as many subcategories as you could think of. For instance, I had a file on Church History and behind that I had a file on Baptist Church History, and eventually I had a file on Free Will Baptist Church History. I think you can probably visualize this idea. The beauty of this was in putting all the articles on a given subject in the same file, which could be done with just a glance at the article.

Along the way I began to get frustrated with this plan. I had probably been using this method for 15 years when I decided to revamp the whole thing. I was finding that it was not easy to cross reference an article, to find something by a bit of secondary information, like who wrote it or what publication it appeared in. What I decided upon is a modification of another plan that was also presented in Seminary. What I do now is to use hanging folders which will hold 25 articles. The tab simply reads, "1-25" or "576-600," etc. Whatever article I am currently reading becomes the next number. These articles are then indexed on my computer using Bento, a scaled back version of File Maker. This means that I can cross reference all of these articles by all sorts of secondary subjects and the result is much more use from the articles I have filed away. The down side to this is that I really have to digest the articles to know what all the secondary subjects are. That initially meant rereading everything that I had filed in 15 years of ministry. Once I got past that task, I decided to cut up all my back issues of Christianity Today and file them. I now have two huge stacks of articles, mostly from Christianity Today, but also some other sources, that I need to read, index, and file. I have steadily worked at this for something like three years and have seen some progress. It does seem to me that about the time I really make a dent in this mountain of papers another stack gets added. I suppose it could be called an unending task.

Now, what possible lesson can be gleaned from this little snap shot of my office work? First, it is good to have an efficient information retrieval system. I have benefited from this in my work, especially on sermons. I am glad that I have a good system. Second, I may never finish this task. I suppose I could say I know that I won't finish. Short of stopping my subscriptions to all periodicals and my mother in law not giving me any of hers, I will always have a constant flow of information coming in. In fact, I have articles coming in faster than I can get them read, indexed, and filed. That led me to a realization the other day. When I retire, die, or for whatever reason, end my ministry I will have a stack of unread papers on my desk. That is a subtle reminder to me that the work of the church, whether you are thinking about a local church, or the entire Christian movement, is bigger than me. You might be thinking, well you are quite the egotist to ever think it wasn't bigger than you, and you would be right. I am convinced though that I am in a long line of pastoral egotists who have entertained the same thought. There is always more than can get done and when an undue portion of it falls to you time after time you begin to think it all depends on you. Wasn't that Jeremiah's lament, "I alone am left!" Well, Jeremiah was not the only one left, and neither am I.

So, back to that mountain of paper, which has come to symbolize to me the work of ministry. Will I ever get through all of it? I don't think so, but I can get some of it done and there will be benefit from that. A perfectionist might throw his hands up in frustration, but a pragmatist will take the next article from the top of the stack and start reading.

Dedication

While on my vacation I decided to read an autobiography that my wife had recommended to me. It is entitled Gifted Hands, The Ben Carson Story. It is story of one of the most gifted neurosurgeons alive today. It has some really touching moments and some stories of truly remarkable operations, but by far the most interesting part to me was the dedication of Ben Carson.

Steve Martin used to have a comedy routine that started, "I was born a poor black child..." Well, Ben Carson really was, and yet through the prodding of his mother, a strong faith in God, and boundless determination to achieve he graduated from Yale and ended up as a neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins. Now, it is pointed out in the book, and hinted at in the title, that Dr. Carson possesses a remarkable gift of eye hand coordination, but what would that have been without his determination to use it as a surgeon? Who knows, maybe he would have focused on athletics and even have made it to the professional ranks, but what is that compared to the ability to perform even one life saving surgery?

As I see it Dr. Carson is an example of someone who had a natural talent and used it for the the greatest good. I have to believe that part of the reason for that is what I alluded to in an earlier paragraph. Ben Carson is a man of faith. I believe that he allowed God to channel his life into becoming a neurosurgeon. It was not an easy path, even for a man like Dr. Carson but it is clear from his book that the destination was worth the trip.

Personally, I believe that God has gifted all of us is one way or another. We know what Ben Carson did with his gift, what are you doing with yours?

A Small Gift

If you have read the last entry in this blog then you might have come to some conclusion about the black cloud that seemed to have been hovering over me. Well, I am here to give you a further weather report. The first ray of sunshine came on Wednesday night. It seemed to me that there was an exceptionally good spirit at the mid-week Bible study. This is really surprising given that I had labored all day under the impression that it was business meeting night. I had decided to work ahead of myself and study the passage that I had planned to preach from Sunday night in our Life Group. About ten minutes before the service I realized it was not the date for the Quarterly Business Meeting! I walked in with the notes for the Sunday night message and it went over much better than I would have expected.

One of the things that has always confirmed my call to preach is when I preach well. Now, you might be thinking, how do you know if you are doing it all that well? It is partly how it feels to me, it is partly the response of the audience, but mostly it is the subjective sense that I have "delivered my soul." That is the way that I felt when I walked out of the church on Wednesday night. It certainly didn't hurt any to see Joy smiling at me while I was preaching or to hear her words of affirmation afterwards.

This was followed up by all the tasks of Thursday and the realization that the church softball team would be playing at 8 p.m. It was at the game that I got a small gift that really broke up what black clouds remained. While watching the game Joy and I had also been noticing and talking some with the Johnson girls. At the end of the evening Kayla, the oldest, came over and sat close by me and offered me some of whatever it was that she was eating. I didn't take any, but the offer really touched me.

The kindness of a child is a wonderful thing. I am glad that I get to say I am Kayla's pastor. My prayer is that I will be able to say that for a long time.

A Straw Poll

I remember seeing a college football coach giving an interview after being asked to leave the school he worked for. He commented that there were only two types of college coaches, "those that have been fired and those that will be." I remember thinking that there was something a bit cynical about his perspective, but it also rang true.

Recently, I was told that two different individuals had asked how to go about taking a vote of confidence on me. I have always wondered about the way churches use that phrase. In most parliamentary bodies it is not called a "vote of confidence" but rather a "vote of no confidence." Maybe church folks just want to say it in a nicer way. Well, nice or not, I have now come face to face with the issue for the first time in my pastoral career. I really did not know how to take this and I suppose my emotions were all across the spectrum. What was particularly irksome about all of this is that I had mentioned through the years that if folks wanted me gone, all they needed to do is come and explain to me why and tell me who agreed with them. That is not to say that I would leave over one crank, but there would at least have been the possibility of resolving the conflict rather than inflaming it and running the risk of embittering folks.

All of this led to a "straw poll" being taken while I was on vacation. I knew it was going to happen before it did and I suppose it had the virtue of assessing the feelings of folks before they polarized. Only 61 people voted and it was 44 to 17, or about a 70 / 30 split for me to continue as the pastor. Now, if I were a politician I would be elated with such an approval rating. The problem is I'm not a politician, I'm a pastor. The question I have to ponder now is, can I be effective if 30% of the church are wishing for me to move out of the parsonage? It is also troubling to me to think about who would follow me. Now, I have a healthy ego, but I don't think I'm close to being the best pastor to ever open a Bible. Could the church attract a dynamic, hard working, energetic guy who could motivate those who have not been motivated or better yet, find enough new folks, to remake this church? I really don't know the answer to that. I don't suppose anyone does.

One thought keeps circling through all of my thinking on this issue. Were people just thinking of this "straw poll" as a vote for the "status quo" or a vote for change? I would think that just about everyone would like to break out of the strictures of the status quo. I am convinced that Bethlehem Church could do more and be more than it is. I suppose that working at that for 15 1/2 years may have tired me out a bit. What I know for certain is that the critical issue here is not keeping either the pastor or the 30% happy. We must remember that we have a biblical mandate, a mission to fulfill.